Learning advice and tips for parents

Celebrating Parents

Joe Dailey
Wisconsin

There were times when I felt that I was letting my parents down. But my parents didn't put the emphasis on grades or test scores. They always focussed on learning. That definitely got me by. They never looked at my report card and said "Hey look, you're not trying." That would have devastated me. There were times when I'm sure they wondered to each other, "What are we going to do with this kid?" but to me, what they always said "As long as you're working hard and learning, that's what's important."

My father was always asking me, "What's your next step going to be if this doesn't work out?" which always had me thinking, "If this doesn't work out, I can't be laying around doing nothing. I have to have plans." Because of all the questions he asked, I could tell that he knew I could be successful in my own way. I just had to determine what I wanted to do. The big thing was he never tried to push me in one direction. He would give me advice and ask questions that made me think a lot about where I wanted to go with my life and what I wanted to accomplish.

Stephen Grocer
Massachusetts

My father was the one who diagnosed me. He was the first person. He loved to read. He'd read about dyslexia, and he saw the things I was doing, and said, "Maybe we should get him tested." He also was the one who thought I might be ADD when I was having difficulty in class and he had me tested for that. My parents have both been on top of the game.

My tutor and my parents played a large role in how I came to understand myself. They made it absolutely clear that people like Albert Einstein and Thomas Edison were dyslexic. They told me, "You're not disabled in learning. You just see things and comprehend things in a different way. Sometimes your way is more effective." I think that noticing that there were these geniuses out there really helped me in my confidence. I actually felt kind of special.

When I got the letter that I had flunked out of college, I didn't know what to do. I couldn't sit still. I was shaking. I walked out of the house and dropped the letter. My mother just started telling me "It isn't the end of the world· there are plenty of options." My father talked to me and calmed me down. I expected them to be upset with me. Inside, I had this idea that my parents aren't going to be to happy with me. I just flunked out of college. But, my parents weren't at all mad at me. They were just completely and utterly concerned.

The one thing they wanted me to do was to learn from it. My father asked me "What happened? What went wrong? How can we be sure that this doesn't happen again? How can you get back on track?" I think they realized that I had learned what was needed and that saying anything about it was pointless. That kind of support was just amazing

Keith Promisel
Washington

My parents recognized that I had very strong verbal skills, and had very poor reading and math skills. I was always interested in creative stories. At one time my father bought me a reel to reel recorder so that I could actually tell these stories into a tape recorder. But I very rarely picked up a book and I really physically couldn't put myself through what it took to read and do math, simply because it was too painful at one point. I think they saw that frustration, and they did everything they could to see that I got some sort of help.

My parents had a phenomenal ability to recognize that if they couldn't help, they had to find someone who could. I was eighteen years old and barely graduated high school and really couldn't function in a literate world. They found a school to help. That initial meeting was a phenomenal action by my parents. It was "We don't know exactly what to do. We know he wants to learn. We know he's really interested in learning. Please help us."

My father has been a tremendous influence on me in teaching me that within me I have something unique to offer, even though I might not know what that is right now. It was always very poignant when he pointed out that there is always something in everyone that others have to gain from.

Tips for Parents

Chris Romankiewicz
New Jersey

Especially at an early age, get your kids involved in activities outside the family and outside the school - like baseball, sports, day camps, marine biology classes, or hikes. And if they don't like those activities, respect them for it, and try some different ones. That kept me out of a lot of trouble. Plus, you can also make a lot of good friends this way. Keep giving them opportunities for succeeding and for feeling good about themselves.

My parents and I have had a lot of ups and downs, more downs than ups. I went through a lot of phases they weren't fond of. But, saying no to everything is the biggest mistake a parent can make. You can't expect your child to grow up overnight, it takes time over a period of years. Let your kid grow up, and be there for them. Spending time with your child and giving respect is also another important thing.

Marta Cruz
New York

The most important things parents can give are love and support. Some parents don't know how important it is to be involved in your kid's life, to be at home when he's doing homework, and to talk to that child. "How was school today?" "What did you learn?" and "Are you having any trouble?" Read to your children and have them read out loud to you. Help them know what's going on in class. Let them know that you're there to support them and help them in whatever way you can.

Be aware of what going on in school, what they're learning, and what they're not learning. Don't depend on the teachers tell you what is going on, because teachers may not know. You have to actually sit down and be in the classroom and see for yourself what is going on. See how the child is reacting to the teacher and the other kids. Is he raising his hand and being a part? Is he having difficulty? Be aware of everything around the child.

Let your child be involved, because he's the one that is going through this. He's the one who knows how he's feeling, what's happening in school, and what it's like to not be able to do well.

Help them understand why they're having a hard time in school so they won't wonder and think that they're stupid, that there's something wrong with them, that they can't accomplish anything, and that they can't be something when they grow up. Just because they learn differently, it doesn't mean they can't have dreams, goals, and a future.

Keith Promisel
Washington

If you're not reading to your child from an early age, if you're not allowing your child to listen to music, and if you're not giving your child example after example of the different types of mediums that are available for learning, then you're putting your child at a disadvantage when s/he goes to school. The more avenues children know that they can learn from, the more they'll draw from them when they're having problems.

I'll tell you what parents shouldn't do: if they have an expectation of a child and the child isn't performing, parents shouldn't try through repetition to get the child to learn it. If a child isn't picking something up, the child probably has a problem with the way you're teaching it.

I loved to write stories· make-up stories, fairy tales, fiction stories. I would show a story to my mother and she would say, "Not good enough; do it again." And I would work on it and show it to her. "Not good enough; do it again." After a while, I just gave up because I was tired of the negative feedback. Any way that children try to truly express themselves is a wonderful avenue and cultivating it is really a parent's responsibility.

The greatest gift that can be given to kids is an environment where they can excel in who they really are as opposed to trying to squeeze into whatever they perceive the societal norms to be. Learning isn't just what you do in school. You learn throughout life and you shouldn't limit your idea of education to what happens in schools.